The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. Helen Keller
I’ll be honest, I’ve been struggling to find my voice, my message, my niche’, my audience.
Sure I write everything from the heart and freely expose my own life’s victories and blunders. But it seems that I’m still trying to figure out what my life’s story is trying to say.
Clearly, The Life Mastery Project is about “overcoming”… but I realized this morning that is much too vague.
Discovering that “our mess is our message” and that “our tests become our testimony” is a beautiful thing, and it’s easy to share from that space. But to provide an offering that you, the reader, are consistently interested in following and engaging with is another thing.
I’m not Tony Robbins, although his energy, wisdom, and vision of success run through me.
These and dozens of others are the mentors I study under. As are my therapists throughout the years who have also brought insight and greater self-awareness.
Some may contest that Christianity refutes the concepts of addiction recovery, psychology, self-help, and enlightenment and say they can’t be intermixed. But in my (current) view, they are all aspects of the same thing; a whole mind, body, and spirit existence.
Yes, the tenants of Christianity go far beyond just being our best self or living our best life. But the truths contained within are universal to many enlightenment and scientific discoveries, beliefs, and understandings.
But I digress. As mentioned, I am starting to recognize that I am somewhat all over the map by pressing into these different ideologies and areas of study and awareness.
It feels like the incongruency creates a lack of clarity and therefore, a lack of branding.
So again, I press back into the question; what is the Life Mastery Project all about?
What is my gifting? What value do I bring to others through my testimony and messages?
I feel like I came closer to that answer last night.
I was in a social gathering, a reception for an artist friend of mine. It was his gig, and I was just there to help out with the logistics; food, music, and general guest well-being.
Social gatherings are not my thing. I am an INTJ, an introvert, who feels overwhelmed in crowds. Add loud music and dozens of simultaneous conversations, and it’s just too much to process. I found myself having to step outside to get air often, and I struggled to connect with anyone.
These were the artist’s peers, not mine. But I met someone there who seemed different. We connected. We talked about the “emotions” the art drew out.
Earlier that night, I had someone ask me what I did for a living. I realized that was the first time that question had been asked of me since I left my 30 year career in Information Technology to become a Life Coach.
I struggled to answer him. I said, “I was in IT for 30 years,” and “I’ve been out of work for a year on disability.” I felt strange claiming to be a life coach.
It was a good reflection point for me. After that conversation, I realized I still see myself as being in limbo.
I have been working tirelessly for months on building the foundations for The Life Mastery Project and developing The Life Mastery Series. And I am working on getting Nikaos Coaching off the ground. Yet somehow, it appears, that I didn’t feel legitimate with these endeavors.
So when this gal asked me the same question a 1/2hr later, I was ready. “I’m a life coach,” I stated with confidence and authority.
I couldn’t really gauge her reaction, but it felt good to claim my dream. I may not have a significant impact yet, but that doesn’t mean I’m not putting myself out there and doing the work that is required.
One step at a time, one day at a time.
I am an entrepreneur, I’m a knowledge broker, I am a thought leader; just an unknown one haha. And that’s ok!
What happened next, I believe, was God’s way of revealing the answer to my question: what’s my purpose.
She said something (of which I don’t even remember now), and when I gave my response, she replied: “oh, your right, I’m so stupid sometimes.”
The words just rolled out of her mouth casually without any real emotion or conviction. It was as if she had said that statement to herself a million times before and she was just “stating a fact.”
Of course, the hair went up on the back of my neck, and I lovingly snapped back “hey, you don’t get to say things like that around a life coach, you are NOT stupid. Our self-talk matters”.
She was startled but then instantly replied: “your right, I even know that is true, self-awareness and self-dialogue are so important.” My parents never called me stupid, why do we do that?”
(side note: if you aren’t prepared to get a profoundly probing response, never ask a life coach why we do stuff)
I proposed that “we acquire that kind of self-assessment by the way we felt as a child.
The significant people in our life didn’t have to use those words, they just needed to treat us a certain way. By either doing something to us or holding something back from us, we experienced emotions and formed self-opinions.”
I went on to say that it is common to feel invisible, or voiceless, or like we didn’t matter. And that it was us who assigned the labels to those unexplainable feelings, especially if nobody else was around to adequately explain them to us.
I continued: “they may have loved us dearly and would never use words like that, but their actions speak to our soul whereas their words only speak to our minds.”
I could see her processing, lights were going on, synaptic connections being made.
I should have possibly let it go at that, but I was now in my element. For the first time at this social event, I had a connection with someone, and we were having a meaningful conversation. I could “see with my soul” that she had self-worth issues, and my “auto-pilot” felt the desire to engage; to help.
She then stated, “that makes sense, so what do we do with that?”
(Again, side note: often, Pandora’s Box exists at the core of the areas that we find ourselves stuck in life. When I think about “being an overcomer, this is ground zero.)
With her follow-up question, I felt like I had permission to go deeper. It wasn’t a conscious decision, it just seemed like the door was open, so I walked through it.
I explained in more detail that we remember childhood events through emotion instead of intellect. Unfortunately, studying self-help books or gaining intellectual knowledge or doing talk therapy doesn’t always help. Especially if the circumstances or trauma took place very young in life.
I then gave her an example from one of my own life-changing epiphanies. It was an enlightenment breakthrough event that came from a counseling session looking back at something that took place with my father on vacation when I was 10-years old.
(Seemingly lots of side notes today huh? A detailed breakdown of that specific childhood event which changed my life can be found in the Life Mastery Series. I am also now certified in the NLP process, which unearthed the truth in that childhood experience for me. NLP has since become a prominent part of my life coaching practice.)
I then noticed she had tears streaming down her face. My ability to connect with people’s deepest place of wounding had drawn out this complete strangers pain in a public setting.
I continued, however, and explained the process of how I found incredible healing from those early formative years and the freedom I experience today.
Just as I was finishing “the lesson,” the artist walked up to us, and he noticed her tears, and she quickly composed herself.
I later apologized to her, but she explained that she was grateful for the conversation because she didn’t realize that stuff was hiding under her own surface.
I’m sure you can imagine that my INTJ processing plant has been working overtime on that encounter since last night and into today.
As I mentioned earlier, I believe that the whole experience had something to do with my question to God. How does what I’m learning from my own wounding and my ongoing recovery position me to help others?
There is a new clarity starting to emerge, even as I relate last night’s events here to you now.
We have many things to overcome, but there is a definite order to things.
WHAT DOES BEING AN OVERCOMER LOOK LIKE?
- Overcoming the faulty self-narratives, limiting beliefs and thinking patterns
- Overcoming our learned habits of conformity, complacency, and conflict
- Overcoming our lack of self-awareness, self-control, and self-discipline
- Overcoming our lack of vision, empowerment, and faith
- Overcoming our lack of commitment, determination, and focus
- Overcoming our lack of organization, goal setting, and intentionality
It has been my experience that simply beginning to incorporate these things in my life has rewarded me with the daily gifts of living as an overcomer. I am experiencing vibrant new energy, inner-peace, and joy.
There is no arrival; there is only pursuit
We don’t overcome, we become overcomers
If we are hoping to feel successful and happy by overcoming anonymity, poverty, or insignificance, then we will be disappointed if we ever achieve those things.
An overcomer is one who has mastered his body and mind, and he can honestly say it is well with his soul.
Being an overcomer is a constant daily internal battle against our desire for smooth sailing, comfortable surroundings, and a risk-free environment. An overcomer is no longer in pursuit of pleasure or happiness, she has learned that those are byproducts, not sources.
Psychology, sociology, physiology, and spirituality all play crucial roles in wholeness.
And it is wholeness that is the pursuit of all overcomers even though these areas will never be fully overcome.
There is no “one thing” that we must overcome to be an overcomer.
That may be disappointing, I know I have spent much of my life looking for the “one thing.”
The good news is history proves that everyone has the ability, capability, and even a responsibility to live their life as an overcomer.
No matter where you find yourself in life, somebody has been there before, and they have overcome your exact same circumstances.
You have exactly what they had; a brain, two arms, two legs, a beating heart, and a soul.
I guess my message has been all-over-the-map because my awareness is all-over-the-map.
Everything matters, it all plays a role. And it is all stuff that I personally have to be aware of and press into every day in my own life.
The difference might be that I am falling in love with the process and accepting who I am as I am today.
I don’t feel a lack of anything, although there is much I still look forward to having, experiencing, and doing.
My joy comes from being the best I can be each day and helping others on their journey of overcoming.. overcoming whatever the next thing is.
And my even greater joy is when I see those I help begin helping others.
It is our shared journey of redemption to reignite the light in us that darkness tried to snuff out.
But just because something is our destiny doesn’t mean it is our guaranteed destination.
It is only after we take ownership of the process that we are then free to enjoy the journey.
This is why I encourage everyone to JOIN IN ON THE CONVERSATION; BECOME A PART OF THE SOLUTION.
If my blogs or podcasts spark anything, know that there is a place where your voice can be heard.
It’s no secret that inquisitive, helpful, encouraging, and respectful comments help further the conversation.
And of course, likes and shares help grow the community.
How can you help me?
- You can join my (so far empty) facebook page
- You can comment on my blogs and podcasts
- You can sign-up for the Life Mastery Series newsletter
- If you are stuck somewhere in life, you can consider a coaching relationship
Through my coaching website, you have access to a direct contact form. If you provide your contact info, I would be happy to connect with you.
I’m a lonely introvert, let’s chat (haha)
My desire for LMP (The Life Mastery Project) is to create a fully-engaged community of overcomers who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other
Let’s Do This!
Certified Life Coach & NLP Practitioner
Founder of Nikaos Strategic Coaching
Developer of The Life Mastery Project and Life Mastery Series